Takin’ (another) Swing at Tiger

So, you would think that the last man in America who would seek to make light of Tiger’s troubles would be David Letterman, (especially after the events of Letterman’s own recent past) but then you would be wrong.

Here is a clip from a recent Letterman monologue. Only the first 2:44 are about Tiger, but the rest is about the Salahis, and, well, it is still quite entertaining.

Don’t you just love this guy?

The Perfessor

Tiger by the tail

As much as we’d all like to have sympathy for The Devil Tiger Woods with all of the troubles that he’s been going through of late, it really is really is a tad diffficult feel sorry for a guy who is Brad Pitt-good looking and had the personal net worth of a Bill Gates. Then throw into that his supermodel wife and the bevy of bodacious babes he’s been banging…

We understand that there are now 10 women who claim to have been Tiger’s mistress. What do you want to bet there are at least seven more, which (plus his wife) would give new meaning to “A round of Golf.”

tiger woods

Well, I think you see what I mean here.

Anyway, the good folks at Saturday Night Live have decided to weigh in with their (comedic) two cents:

Apparently, Entertainment Weekly didn’t find this sketch nearly as funny as did I (truth be told, I found it way funnier than the Salahi sketch we posted earlier, but — as stated — I drink a lot.

Anyway, since this is the season of forgiving, good will towards all men, peace on Earth, and all that crap, we thought that we’d share with you the Wood’s Holiday Greetings.

tiger x-mas

Hey! we just report on what we see & hear, We don’t make this stuff up…OK, perhaps we make it up a little.

Merry whatever!

The Perfessor

Meet the President, SNL Style

I guess it was inevitable that the gate-crashing couple of the moment would make it into the lexicon of “Celebrity.” Well, we didn’t have to wait long, as they made it into the opening sketch of SNL this past weekend.

For me the funny really kicked in when Joe Biden joined the Salahis onstage and they started taking photos with the Secret Service.

The Perfessor

You too can meet the President!

gatecrashersSo we all know that Tareq and Michaele Salahi somehow managed to slip past the Secret Service and get into mee the President? Well, apparently they aren’t either the first, or the only people who have done so:

A secret report compiled by the Secret Service reveals security surrounding the US President has been breached at least 91 times since 1980, according to the Washington Post newspaper.

A summary of the report, compiled in 2003, along with descriptions to the newspaper of more recent breaches by federal homeland security officials, details scores of breaches. They include a family who were wrongly allowed into White House grounds in a minivan, a woman allowed into the ground despite already having falsely claimed a “special relationship” with former president Bill Clinton and a celebrity hunter who joined Harrison Ford’s entourage to get near Mr Clinton.

This, according to The Times Online (UK)

The Perfessor
Still, after all that, the only person to actually injure a President in the past three decades was John W. Hinckley Jr. , who shot and wounded Ronald Reagan in 1981 from outside the security perimeter established by the Secret Service.

The Perfessor

Has this ever happened to you?

festivusThey say that time is that thing that keeps everything from happening all at once. Well then, imagine this, you are the offspring of an interfaith (Christian/Jewish) couple both of whom are true to and celebrate their respective holidays, and then you are born on December 30th, causing the ultimate in holiday mash-ups (Chanukah, Christmas, your birthday, and New Year’s Eve.

Talk about your Festivus Maximus.

Well, the individual I spoke about in the above paragraph is my beautiful Daughter Kayla (sorry Sweetie), but then imagine this woman’s plight:

April 1964 was a very good month for some couples I know. Like my parents, my friend Amy’s parents, and every other set of parents who were lucky enough to get pregnant in April 1964 or the month of April any year.

Unfortunately, their offspring weren’t as lucky. We’re the infamous December Birthday Babies. Some of us are known as the Christmas Babies, with birthdays that fall either on or close to December 25th; but January Birthday Babies report they’re in the same cradle.

Catch me on a good day and ask, like folks usually do, “How do you like having a birthday three days before Christmas?

Me? I want to adopt a Black, Hispanic, Islamic kid who was raised in Sweden so I can also celebrate Kwanzaa, Three Kings, Ramadan, and Santa Lucia. But then I’ve been drinking all month.

The Perfessor

Ring in the new!

clarkUnless like Walt, you don’t watch TV (or in Walt’s case, know how it works) you are probably aware that Dick Clark has been hosting TV shows for over half a century, and well, not only does he look like he hasn’t truly aged much in those five decades, but, in today’s youth-centric market, there are actually some people who are starting to wonder if it’s (finally) time for him to retire.

One of those seminal events that Dick has been hosting since before most of you kids were born, has been Rockin’ New Year‘s Eve from Times Square, in New York City. Well, again this New Year’s Eve, Dick will once again be on TV, in his usual spot, counting down the seconds to Midnight. What will be different this year is that his speech will be slightly slurred, the result of a 2004 stroke. Some of us can’t help but to hear that same countdown in our own lives (I refer you all to the new TV show on TNT that will be airing tonight, Men of a Certain Age). We hear that countdown in all aspects of our lives, to the end of our careers, to the difficulties of old age, to the decisions we must make about closing chapters that defined us.

Mr. Clark turned 80 this past Monday, and a lot of people consider him a hero for remaining on the job. They see him as a role model for resiliency, and a vital steward of New Year’s Eve, a holiday designed to look back as well as forward. They ask: Why surrender Dec. 31 to the young?

Well, this article from The Wall Street Journal, talks extensively about both Clark passing the baton on to Ryan Seacrest (with whom he’s shared the hosting duties for the past few years), as well as dealing with the concept of retiring as well. To watch a slide show about Clark’s career, go here.

Needless to say, we think that he has access to some sort of Hollywood-mystical fountain of eternal life (come to think of it, he DOES seem to sparkle in daylight), that allows him to go forever.

The Perfessor