OK, we joke quite a bit about the Zombie Apocalypse here at the Cafe, and yea, it is all in good fun (Hey, even the CDC issued a warning about zombie preparedness!), but you know, we really don’t believe it…or do we?

Well, just today we saw this image

and wondered WTF? At first we passed it off as just random Facebook silliness, but then we saw this posting:

Grab Your Boomstick: The Zombie Apocalypse May Actually Be Upon Us

By now we’ve all seen the awful, awful story about the Florida man who was shot to death by police for refusing to stop chewing on another man’s face.

We joked around about it being the canary in the mine shaft of an impending zombie apocalypse. But as Tumblr blogger “I Hope Rick Santorum” helpfully points out in an appropriately viral post, this latest incident is not so much a warning shot as it is another in a disconcertingly intensifying stream of zombie-invoking headlines — all from the past two weeks, and all from the Sunshine State.

It could be the Mayan calender prophecies; it could be that truth is stranger than fiction; hey, it could all be an elaborate hoax, or even entirely explainable (as NOT a zombie apocalypse), but well, we thought it was worth mentioning anyway.

The Perfessor

And what did you get for Christmas?

Hopefully your year-end holiday celebrations were pleasant and everything you expected them to be. Also, it would be an added plus if you received everything you wanted. Pity then these poor folk who not only got something that they weren’t expecting, but also got an unexpected visitor for the holidays.

A Miami family had a surprise, and unwelcomed, Christmas visitor: a 13-foot Burmese python in their swimming pool, according to news reports from South Florida.

Suladie Miranda found the snake “curled up in the corner of the pool” and called 911, WSVN-TV reports.

Funny, but I don’t recalling that being one of the gifts that I was asking for in the song

Video after jump. Continue reading And what did you get for Christmas?

DWS (Driving while stupid)

Yeah, that’s apparently what happened to Megan Mariah Barnes in South Florida recently. Apparently, as the story goes, Barnes was driving to meet her boyfriend, something that she shouldn’t have been doing in the first place (and no, it wasn’t because Barnes’ ex husband Charles Judy was in the passenger seat; it was because the day before, Barnes had been convicted of DUI and was driving with her license suspended. Further, Barnes had been ordered to impound her car, and her license had been revoked for five years. To make matters worse, after her suspension she was supposed to install a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drove. Not to mention that she, had also been sentenced to nine months’ probation.

Anyway, the real fun starts because of what she was doing in the car at the time of the accident that she caused. Apparently the 37-year-old woman was:

…shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

According to the state trooper who arrived at the scene of the accident;

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,”

Yeah, you read that right.

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

If I saw this in a movie, I wouldn’t have believed it.

The perfessor

Life imitates a joke

So, there is old elephant joke that I really like. It is actually a three-part joke and it goes like this…

Why do elephants, have flat feet?
(from jumping out of trees)

Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between 3:00 & 4:00 P.M.?
(because that’s when elephants jump out of trees)

Why are pygmies so short?
(because they went into the jungle between 3:00 & 4:00 P.M.)

I bring this all up because, well, apparent it is raining Iguanas in Florida. Yeah, you read that right, not cats and dogs, but — you know — iguanas.

Record lows across South Florida are literally freezing the invasive iguana in its tracks.

Kamikaze iguanas, plummeting from their treetop perches, have long been a Floridian urban legend. On Wednesday morning, Local 10 caught the free-falling lizard on tape.

I just thought you all should know.

The Perfessor