Dead Man Emailing

Do you know what a “Dead Man’s Switch” is? Where you set something up, and if something happens to you, the switch “activates” something? If a railroad brakeman falls off the train, the train won’t somehow become a runaway… Fictional writers love to set up scenarios with crazed bombers and Dead Man Switches.

The modified Dead Man’s Switch is where you have some incriminating evidence, and a friend holds onto it, and promises to mail it if your meeting with MR.BIG goes badly… Yeah, that’ll serve notice to MR.BIG. He’s in trouble, but you’re still dead.

Well, now you can have a service where you can email people after you’re dead. Well, not exactly.

After God calls you home.

You know. The RAPTURE.

You’ve seen the bumper stickers. “In case of RAPTURE, this car will be unmanned.” Uh, like why should you care what happens to the people behind your car when you evaporate? If they can read your bumper sticker, they’re going to have a much better view of your last moments in that car than you’ll ever have. Not only that, but I have a question: If you do get taken in the RAPTURE, and, well, you’re not going to be needing that car, are you? I can like take it, right? I’m sure I can get a good price for it, and I’ll put flowers on your headstone. I promise. Funny, I used to see those bumper stickers all the time, and for the life of me I can never remember seeing one on a Cadillac.

Well, there’s a website related to all this. It’s called RAPTURELETTERS.com and they provide an interesting service.
After THE RAPTURE, the website is designed to send out emails to your loved ones in your name telling them where you’ve gone.

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.

The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken up to heaven.

Almost like email from Heaven, isn’t it? I wonder if this will get put in the Spam folder…

Now presumably, anyone of your loved ones who are ALSO called up to heaven certainly doesn’t have a need for the email, as they’re up there with you. They’ve got a new email address now…

But here’s my question: When THE RAPTURE occurs, God’s already made His choice. You’re either In or you’re uh, not In. Okay, so tell me. What’s the letter to your friend for? If he’s reading your letter from the great beyond, he’s not going to Heaven and you are. You can feel nice. He’s supposed to feel like crap. So, I can think of only one thing that letter would be for. Rubbing it in.

That’s right. All that letter says is “I got to Heaven and you’re stuck on Earth, so there! Ha-Ha!” Pretty condescending, huh? But I have another thought. Maybe you’re not so goody-two-shoes. Maybe you’re afraid that when THE RAPTURE comes you’ll be left behind! How would you know?

And then I thought of it: Another use for this vital service! Sign up with this RaptureLetter.com site, and put your OWN email address on there, and send YOURSELF this note when THE RAPTURE occurs!

This way, you’re the first to know you’re royally screwed.

Published by

Walt

Geologist writing SciFi