As you know the only thing we love (nearly) as much as coffee around here are Werewülves Vampyres, and Xombies (Oh my!), so last night while watching Stephen Colbert, we learned of a new threat to our lives…that’s right, Muslim Vampires!
A few weeks ago, residents of Sidney, New York, demanded that Muslims dig up and move the bodies of their dead relatives from a private Muslim cemetery. And last night, Stephen Colbert came out in support of the effort: “How dare those Muslims build a grave so close to… ground?”
He continued that “usually when you die, your threat level decreases significantly,” but based on Sidney’s actions, Colbert had no choice but to reach the “terrifying conclusion” that there is something new to be afraid of: “Muslim vampires.”
Whatever should we worry about next?
Yeah, we do so love vampyres, xombies, and werewüves over here at Cuppacafe, but when we discovered this little “Shakespearean” gem, we very nearly wet ourselves…
Continue reading “Undead, undead, undead!
If there is one thing we love here at Cuppacafe, it is Zombies. Yep, we totally love ’em to death (sure, sure we also love Vampyres and Werewüves as well, but there’s just something special about zombies). So it was something of a surprise when we read Cracked Top Seven scientific Reasons why a world-wide Zombie Apocalypse would fail. These include:
#7. They Have Too Many Natural Predators
#6. They Can’t Take the Heat
#5. They Can’t Handle the Cold
#4. Biting is a Terrible Way to Spread a Disease
#3. They Can’t Heal from Day to Day Damage
#2. The Landscape is Full of Zombie-Proof Barriers
#1. Weapons and the People Who Use Them
To be sure, we found the logic behind these reasons simply hilarious, but somewhat disheartening that one of our own top ten End of the World scenarios, in all probability, simply could not come about. Still, that won’t stop us from enjoying George Romero’s flicks, or going to see the next great Zombie flick:
Anyways, in the event of an actual zombie attack you, at least will be spared…
…unfortunately it isn’t the version that’s coming into theaters shortly, it is the one that first appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live, and is now playing here…
Continue reading A better Twilight is coming…
So, by now I’m guessing that everyone has heard that Robert Pattinson is (apparently) the descendant from a “real” vampire. Yeah, you read that right, it has just been revealed that Pattinson (who plays the the effeminate, whiny, sparkly vampire “Edward” from Twilight.
“Without any myth or magic, we find royalty and vampires lurking in Pattinson’s life—making his story just as supernatural as the one he’s playing on screen,” said genealogist Anastasia Tyler.
The link was apparently made through both Pattinson’s and ol’ Vlad’s relation to the British royal family: R.Pattz is distant cousins with Princes William and Harry, while Vlad is a distant uncle.
I was going to make a joke here, but then I figured, why bother?