Let’s hear it for the Old Jolly Fat Guy!

Santa ClausThat’s right, Let’s hear it for Santa. I know, I know, it is all PC and everything to say Happy Holidays, instead of Merry Christmas, but I’ve got something of an issue with this particular greeting (yeah, who’da thunk it, eh?) .

My problem is that not so much that Christ has been taken out of Christmas (no, this isn’t a rant about the commercialism of the holiday — I personally believe that the reason that all the attention focused on this of all holidays is precisely because of the commercialization of the holiday). No, I’m ‘round the twist on this one because Christmas itself has been removed from the holiday season.

chanukahYou see, everywhere I go, people are wishing each other Happy Holidays, stores are having Holiday sales, schools are having Holiday concerts and plays, companies are having Holiday parties, and greeting card shops are selling Holiday cards. In fact in a number of places I see signs proclaiming the sale of items for Chanukah, Kwanza, and (coming in last) holiday items.

KawanzaWhat? All of a sudden it is OK to talk about Chanukah and Kwanza, but not Christmas? Let me go out on a limb here and say that if it wasn’t for the fact that not only are there more Christians than other faiths (in this country at least), and if it wasn’t for the over commercialization of Christmas for the past 100 years or so in the first place, Plus (and this one is the biggie) that Christmas is the only Federally Mandated religious holiday on the calendar, no one would give a long leap into the Atlantic Ocean about all of the other holidays in the first place.

Think I’m wrong? Well then, you need to step over here, and see what others have to say on this very topic. (sound required, Warning, bad language used: Not Safe for Work )

So Ho! Ho! Ho! Let’s toast the fat guy with a round of Spiked eggnog, get lit, and then party down with the elves.

The Perfessor

Spirit of the Season? My Shiny Red Arse!

Christmas tree Last night I set up our Christmas tree. Tonight, and for the rest of the week, the kids and I will decorate it with the ornaments and lights. Perhaps I’ll even get some lights up outside our house this weekend, maybe not. This may sound a little late for decorating, or even a bit Bah Humbug to some, but I assure you it really isn’t.

ChanukahPart of this, you see, is that — in my house — we also celebrate Chanukah, as well as my daughter’s birthday (December 30th), So we have quite a bit to do around her during December. Also, by delaying setting up lights, I make my personal stand against “over lighting” the house for the Holidays.

Happy BirthdayI know that you’ve all seen those house houses in your own neighborhood. The ones that string several thousand lights, making their house brighter than the sun at high noon on a cloudless day, and include all sorts of brightly-light plastic figures (including a fully-stocked Manger with the blinking baby Jesus and Frosty the Snowman in attendance).

Ugly House 1Yeah, I hate those houses. We have a couple of them around here. One in particular, the guy literally starts stringing lights in September, and leaves them light from Thanksgiving to the Epiphany (Jan 6th). I’m wagering that the guy (who has been doing it for years, ever since he was forced into retirement due to medical reasons) spends the better part of the year building sets and rigging lights. Then he spends roughly the GNP of Guam lighting the blessed thing from dusk to dawn for close to two months.

The worse part of all of this is that he tells anyone who will listen that he does it for the kids, and to keep the spirit of Christmas alive.

Road Apples!

Ugly House 2Personally, I feel that he would do more good for the community at large (and his neighbors, who I’m very certain hate the 30 metric tonnage of lights and the thousands (thousands) of visitors who make the yearly pilgrimage to his display (that spans two building lots — his yard and the empty lot next to his that he also owns) if, instead of the gaudy display of lights, he were to spend all those hours building and rigging at the local soup kitchen, feeding the poor and hungry, and instead of giving what has to be hundreds (thousands?) of dollars to the electric company (and light manufacturers) to that self same local soup kitchen.

ugly house 3Because, believe it or not, Christmas is not about lights, visions of sugarplums, Rudolph’s red nose, getting presents, stockings hung by the chimney with care, or that old fat guy in the red suit. It is about the Birth of Christ, and the gift that he would eventually deliver on Good Friday (that is to say salvation). And no, I’m not going to get all religious on you (or at least any more than I already have), That’s the whole spiel.

So go out, light a candle, hang a wreath, trim a tree. Then drink yourself into sensory deprivation and blow the crap out of something if you wish, just don’t try to say that it’s all about the spirit of the season.

The Perfessor

Now Yer talkin’!

Ten Reasons To Drink During The Holidays

Snowman

This one speaks for itself, click through to Forbes.com, and read it for yourself!

Or you could go here and see what others have to say on this same topic.

The Perfessor

I got yer “Partridge in a Pear Tree” Right Here!

Partridge in a pear treeOk, just because it’s Christmas, doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun with it, eh? I mean, all that good cheer, Peace on Earth and Good Will towards men crap, I mean, really who needs it? Can’t we all just get liquored up, make out under the mistletoe, and make and distribute photocopies of our butts like we do every year at the office holiday party??

12 days of christmas I say we get down to brass tacks. Seriously, how much is all this crap gonna cost me? What crap, you may ask, well how about all the nonsense I’m supposed to buy my true love during the neigh mythical 12 Days of Christmas (and when in Hell are these 12 days anyways?)

Well, fear no longer oh questor for the truth, because someone else has done the math for you. That’s right if you wanted to purchase all of the items on the “12 Days of Christmas” list it will set you back a whopping $18,348 — or 6.1% over what it would have cost you last year. Yep, you read that right.

Who says we can’t have fun and be snarky at the same time?

The Perfessor