Who’s Your Daddy?
Posted by Walt 03 27th, 2006
The header this week is for a Japanese festival celebrating the penis called the “Kanamara Matsuri Festival” or “The Steel Phallus Festival”. It’s held later this week in Kawasaki, a suburb near Tokyo.
It’s held to coincide with the annual Cherry Blossom festival that occurs around the first Sunday in April of each year. While it’s mostly a tourist thing, the celebration dates back to the Edo period, (1603 to 1867) and involves, uh, well, a penis.
You see, back then, there were demons that occasionally took up residence in a maiden’s vagina, and they were a sharp toothed and nasty sort. These vagina residing demons would bite the head off of any penises so inclined as to be uh, inserted, in said vagina. No sword could vanquish the demon, as it would also kill the fair young maiden.
The festival is to celebrate the miracle of the Steel Penis. Legend has it a local craftsman constructed a steel penis to fool the demon. You see, when the Steel Penis was inserted into the vagina with the demon, the demon would then attempt to bite the head of the penis off, only to break his teeth off on the very hard steel penis! The demon, now toothless, would leave the vagina, never to return.
Some penis, eh?
Today, we call those demons
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES.
The first to pray to the great steel penis are said to be prostitutes.
Nowadays, everyone celebrates the penis, and well they should.
After all, the penis mightier than the sword…
There’s a special place in hell for people who pun like you do, Walt.
What’s Mick Jagger doing in that pic?
Mick and Betty Rubble’s ugly sister lost a bet.
You know, I was going to ponder on why all these people were fawning all over those rather small penises, but then I recalled that I was always taught not to excessively brag, or to laugh at other people’s shortcomings, then I thought that I’d entertain myself by pointing out that the guy behind “Mick” looks a lot like Walt, but I’m sure the old sourpuss would figure out some way to punish me if I did, so I think that I’ll just skip commenting on this post entirely.
The Perfessor