WASHINGTON, D.C. — A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the national highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney.

The source was quoted to say, “All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the balls to do it”.

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new “lawyer’s stamp” on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new “lawyers stamp” will cost $100, but open season will be all year long.

The department further stated that although the “lawyers stamp” comes at hefty price, sales have been brisk and it is believed it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting license stamps.

Impatient with efforts to close the courts to litigants, the Administration literally fired the first shot in its groundbreaking “No Lawyer Left Standing” initiative. Vice President Cheney, hunting on a private lawyer ranch near Kingsville, Texas, bagged an impressive buck (Harry Whittington, UT Law ‘50). Under the new program, hunters may take one white shoe in-house lawyer or three outside lawyers daily. The limit has been suspended for trial lawyers. “We’ve just got to thin the herd,” said the Vice-President. “We’ve tried tort reform and caps on damages, but people are still suing.” Cheney added, “It’s easy and fun. In Texas, you can shoot in almost any direction and hit a lawyer.”

OK, it was a cheap shot, but it sure were fun!

The Perfessor