Cuppacafe

As you folk already know, we here at Cuppacafe Central spend most of our day combing through the Net looking for interesting stories for you folk to read that will make you shake your head and go “WTF?” Well, here are a couple of unrelated stories that we felt just needed to belong with each other.

No Work for Man With Giant Sex Organ

(Jan. 1) -- The job market is so bad these days, even the man reputed to have the world's largest penis can't find work.

Jonah Falcon, a 39-year-old New Yorker, has what many men have wished for. But has it made him happy? Or rich?

A 1999 HBO documentary brought Falcon enduring notoriety, at least in some circles. His manly parts, in an aroused state, were measured at 13.5 inches -- the longest ever recorded on film.

That's the length of an average wine bottle, certainly something a lot of guys would brag about.

But now, a decade later, Falcon is between jobs, living temporarily in his mother's Manhattan apartment and looking for work as an actor and writer.

Apparently he want’s to be taken seriously as an actor, so he simply won’t do porn. Still, there is this story...

Wanted: Porn show host

The Jobcentre is advertising an unusual position - the 'semi-nude' host of a pornographic TV channel.

The ad says the job 'may cause embarrassment to some people' but pays £220 per shift, reports the Daily Telegraph.

The winning applicant will work three days a week from 9pm until 5am but will have no pension entitlement.

Is it just me, or should someone introduce these two?

The Perfessor

Smarter girls have far better sex lives

Ya know, I love a smart girl

Well, technically, yes you can, but...well, this is more entertaining.

Many, many years ago, I was attending a Grateful Dead concert, and while I was outside, and before I got into the show itself, I spotted a guy who was willing to trade free Air Guitar lessons for a ticket to the show. Needless to say, I didn’t have an extra ticket, but I was so taken by his blatant come-on that had I an extra ticket, I probably would have traded him one.

Anyway, that’s not what I am talking about here, but it very well could be. You see, there is a group of folk who practice, well, “Air Sex”.

“Air Sex is sort of like Air Guitar,” said Tim League, founder of the Alamo Drafthouse and the Air Sex World Championship, “except instead of pretending to play an invisible guitar on stage, contestants get up there and pretend to have sex with someone who isn’t there. With their clothes on, typically. They pick a song to perform to and then have two minutes to impress the judges with their overall Airness.”

Some folk just don’t know what to do with themselves.

Personally, I need a drink.

The Perfessor

I knew that I was right about this all along. It is just nice to hear that there are other people who believe it as well. What, precisely, am I yammmering about now? Well it is simple — while marriage may be the prime cause of divorce, apparently the secondary cause is lack of regular sex between married partners (and yes, I do mean married partern who are actually married to each other).

According to the Rev. Ed Young, a pastor from Grapevine TX (that’s out your way, eh Walt?) the way to a better marriage is to hop back into the sack (again, with your own spouse). Apparently the Reverend Young (an author, television host, and the pastor of the evangelical Fellowship Church out there), has issued a call for a week of “congregational copulation” among the married couples of his flock. His point that it is time for the church to put God back in the bedroom.

“Today we’re beginning this sexperiment, seven days of sex,” he said, with his characteristic mix of humor, showmanship and Scripture. “How to move from whining about the economy to whoopee!”

The Pastor and his wife, both 47, have been married for 26 years and have four children, including twins. They have firsthand experience with some of the barriers to an intimate sex life in marriage, including careers, exhaustion, outside commitments, and “kids,” a word that Mr. Young told church members stands for “keeping intimacy at a distance successfully.” According to Pastor Young:

...if you make the time to have sex, it will bring you closer to your spouse and to God, he has said. You will perform better at work, leave a loving legacy for your children to follow and may even prevent an extramarital affair.

“If you’ve said, ‘I do,’ do it,” he said. As for single people, “I don’t know, try eating chocolate cake,” he said.

The sex-starved marriage has been the topic of at least two recent books, “365 Nights” and “Just Do It.” But Mr. Young’s call from the pulpit gave the discussion an added charge.

I gotta say, I love this guy, now all I have to do is convince the Mrs. to buy what he is selling.

You can read the full article in today’s New York Times.

The Perfessor

No, I'm not talking about doing the nasty with the Hulk (although this guy is), I’m talking about sex that is environmentally friendly (hey, personally, I thought that all sex was pretty friendly, but then again, that could just be me).

No, seriously. I’m talking about a website that (apparently) seriously discusses Green Sex. Now, I wasn’t looking for “racy” sites (well, I wasn’t when I stumbled across this page), but I was so entertained when I found it (and with Walt still being held hostage by South Moluccans) I felt it important to post it here.

To be sure, this wasn’t as dirty as you might think, but it was quite fun, and there were a couple of suggestions that I really enjoyed. these included the following:

8. Sex your headaches away

Looking for a natural way to kill that piercing migraine? A recent study involving 84 women shows that there's a natural cure for headache sufferers, and it's roughly effective as taking today's leading medications -- sex. This may come as bad news for those of you who like to use headaches as an excuse to avoid a roll in the hay, but 61% of women in the study reported some kind of relief -- compared to 60-80% reporting the same relief with the latest migraine drugs. [RELATED: CHECK OUT OUR GREEN SEX GUIDE]

Yeah, and we totally know how well THAT is going to go over, eh?

9. Clean your bedroom

Decluttering your home is reclaiming intimacy. Once the decluttering process is complete, soft lighting and a simple coat of paint offer an intimate atmosphere sure to inspire romance. [RELATED: CHECK OUT OUR GREEN SEX GUIDE]

Another fine idea, I’m sure.

Still there there were also suggestions for Eco-friendly lingerie, Fairtrade condoms, and an Organic way for men to (ahem) “stand at attention.” Then there was the article about former Hollywood madam, Heidi Fleiss opening up an eco-friendly brothel. Still, Still, one of my favorite bits was the item that talked about the environmental impact of all those discarded latex condoms. This article seemed to indicate that there is a better way to go, and that is (no, I’m not kidding) inserting a microchip into your penis.

7. Put a microchip in your penis

If you've ever worried about the environmental impact of all those discarded latex condoms, this might be the super-futuristic invention for you! Australian scientists have apparently figured out how to insert a microchip in the vas deferens (that's the part of the male equipment that delivers semen), and when the man is about to have sex, he can press "pause" on a device that sends RF waves to his intimate microchip. The chip translates the waves into acoustic waves, which then cause the chip to expand, blocking sperm from passing through the vas deferens. [RELATED: CHECK OUT OUR GREEN SEX GUIDE]

Although this last one doesn’t seem to address the issue of STIs, where the “pause” button would be placed, and what happens when the guy gets too distracted (excited) to remember to, ah, flick the switch.

Still, who says you can’t have good, clean, sexy fun on the web? So stay sexy and go green.

Heh, this will teach Walt to go walkabout and leave me in charge...when the cat’s away and all that.

The Perfessor