Gone Baby Gone
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009Yes, MSNBC is against Sarah. Who better to parse out Sarah's goodbye speech?
Yes, MSNBC is against Sarah. Who better to parse out Sarah's goodbye speech?
Just a few days to go before Alaskan's long nightmare is over...
And the rest of our nightmare truly begins...
Sung to the tune of
♫ I feel quitty / Oh so quitty ♫
Sarah Palin is leading the way by quitting and getting out of the way.
Me, I've decided to follow by taking charge of things. My first act as follower will be to head up the White House's Department of Law.
That will put me firmly in the lead of current events. But if things ever get too tough, I'll stop following and lead they way by quitting.
In the meantime, here's Keith Olbermann chatting up Sarah's denial of her denial. The woman can not give a decent interview -- what makes anyone think she could actually, uh, think for a living?
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
From Deadspin by Tommy Craggs, comes the graphic that explains all of soon to be ExGov Sarah Palin's basketball metaphors
Copied and pasted here for your enjoyment.
Jesus saves! Moses scores!
Continuing our Sarah Palin is a baby thread there are those who feel that her current “If you aren’t going to be nice to me, I’m going to go back to my front porch and point out that you are all poopie heads†political strategy, there is this:
While much speculation as to the real reason behind Sarah Palin’s abrupt decision to quit spidered quickly through the Internet, Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell managed to clear the air — or at least give his own take — on Sunday. Appearing on Fox News Sunday, Parnell cited the millions in state money being spent to deal with document requests and other matters concerning ethics complaints made against Palin. Parnell said she has personally accumulated a $500,000 debt defending herself.
From an article in The Wall Street Journal
The story goes on to state that according to the one story, Palin apparently made some $131,891 last year. This includes both her $125,000 salary and the expense payments she collects when she’s away from Juneau. Her husband, Todd, made $86,150 from his two jobs, as a commercial fisherman and a BP production operator.
“Obviously we cannot afford to personally pay these bills — and really no future governor should feel the sense of financial vulnerability at the hands of those with a political vendetta bent on personal destruction,†Palin wrote. “Some have suggested a legal fund to pay these bills. We’ll have to pursue that.â€
To which I can only refer you to Walt’s post (below), and say in response, “Wah, wah, wah.â€
The Perfessor
Just to refresh your memory, here's Sarah Palin chatting about Hillary Clinton's woes in the public spotlight. Sarah says Hillary has to buck up and take it like a man, or something like that.
To be fair, this interview was taken before Sarah got the nod from McCain to be front and center in the battle for the pocketbooks of the right wing.
I started this long and thought out post trying to equate Governor Sarah Palin's "I Quit" rambling speech to Richard Nixon's "Checker's" speech,[Wiki][YouTube] but Nixon didn't quit until eleven years AFTER he gave that speech. So, it just didn't jive and I tossed my early draft.
No matter, because by now you've heard Sarah Palin's ramblings and made up your own mind.
Here's my take: The woman's insane narcissist. I mean, let's just call it right now, okay?
[Editor's Note: I've cribbed much of what follows in this post, so, consider this a collection of thoughts and insults from others, including the title]
She can hunt wolves from the air and field-dress a moose, but she fears being a lame duck? Caribou Barbie is one nutty puppy. [M.Dowd]
Fox News interviewed Liz Trotta, and the Fox slave prompted with all the "Palin is right and her detractors are being mean", citing the "nutty puppy" bit in the Dowd article, but Trotta countered, saying that actually, the Palin detractors had a point. Trotta calls her inarticulate and undereducated. She's being kind there. But she goes on, accusing Palin of using her good looks to get ahead in the Republican party, stating that a woman with Palin's brain but lesser looks wouldn't have gotten the same attention. Trotta asks the hypothetical about how William F. Buckley would have thought of Palin. [YouTube] Indeed.
Truly, the woman sprang forth from the body of the Republican Party like that alien creature burst out of that guy in "Alien". The creature lived, but the host body died horribly.
And folks, for this you can blame nobody else but John McCain. I now think he chose his Vice Presidential mate with his penis.
Well, there is one other theory: Revenge. You see, the Republicans scorned McCain so badly years back, when he finally got the nod through the idiotic "Winner Take All" primary process, I think he figured he'd get even with all the rest of the Republicans that ever said a bad word about him by simply scuttling the entire party by choosing a charismatic idiot.

The intelligent Republicans are going, "Don't Look!" but the rank and file knee jerk Repubs are all going, "ooooh, Shiny!"
And of course, Sarah had "Shiny" down to a science.
But as we all know by now, the woman can't put fifteen words together that are her own without seeming like, well, like someone that attended four different colleges to get her bachelor's degree in basket weaving.
Katie Couric took her down, and "In What Respect, Charlie?" became an internet sensation in the same news cycle. I mean, hell NOBODY knew what the "Bush Doctrine" was, but dodging the question like you supposedly knew the answer was the first little sign of the upcoming Palinoclypse.
So, while we all know by now that Sarah blames the media for her troubles, her rambling speech in front of a bunch of quacking ducks surprised everybody. It's just so hard to describe the level of stupid that went in to the speech, I can barely attempt to make fun. She basically said that she wasn't having fun as governor anymore, and then used some references to dead fish and playing basketball so everyone could relate to her troubles. That's it. No other real reasons. And no questions from the media, naturally. Just hello, here's a bombshell you should take as completely natural for a governor, and here's a few folksy metaphors that don't relate, but they do because I'm telling ya they do!
Well, she doesn't have the media to blame for this little debacle. Nobody expected her to resign, much less to do it in a fashion that suggested that she was high on ... well, whatever the hell she's on, I want some. Cuz that's some gooood shit.
Not long after the "IQuitarod" speech, speculation started running wild amongst the pundits. I'm sure Fox News actually considered placing a "(D)" after her name like they do so many other politicians who've just made some scandalous news...

One Alaskan pundit from the left side of the spectrum speculated about an "Iceburg", a scandal lurking, rumored about for months, but as yet not perceived as a danger to Palin's career. The pundit was then made famous the next day by Palin herself, whose lawyer mentioned Shannyn Moore by name, accusing Ms. Moore of stating as fact some investigation that isn't an investigation. The semi legal notice accusing Moore of wrongdoing was barely literate itself, and attempts to staunch the controversy over... well, I'll refer to it as "The Iceburg" as well.
Shannyn came out swinging today, countering the lame claim put forth by Palin's lawyer, so the claims and counter claims will go on until we end up finding out the real reason why Sarah flamed out like this. I'll bet it has to do with a free throw from half court...
In the long run, soon to be ExGovernor Palin will have her book deal, reportedly worth between $2 million and $7 million, and several speaking engagements worth $50K or more each. (Hell, Bill Clinton still gets $25K and as many cute assistants as his hard heart desires when he's invited to speak) So, until the blush is off the rose, Sarah will be jetting around the country courtesy of the whacky fringe that still thinks she's winking at them personally...
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Now, I realize many of you are ready to quote Walter Hickel right now, even though you have no idea who he is
Walter Hickel, 89, a former two-term governor and interior secretary, and the grand old man of Alaska politics, who was co-chair of Palin’s winning gubernatorial campaign, in 2006, now washes his hands of her. He told me simply,
“I don’t give a damn what she does.â€
Yes, Walter, we know. But it's just so much fun watching her do whatever she does. It's hard to turn away.
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