My biggest gift is surprise

Besides World Peace and the death of the Internal Revenue System, I suppose I am always on the lookout for a really unique gift to give others. I was fairly frustrated this year. Most of the time, I try to come up with cooler gifts than what I receive.

This year, I failed miserably. It’s fairly frustrating not to come up with neat stuff for others. I was simply terrible this year, coming up with boring gift after boring gift.

Now, I didn’t say expensive. Sometimes the smallest things go the longest way. My new daughter-in-law was impressed with my odd “stocking stuffers” last year, making her determined to start doing it back — I got a bunch of “stocking stuffers” back from her this year, and I smiled when she told me that I had some influence with the cheesy (but cute) stuff I gave her last year.

This year, I gave some crackers and some of those funny labeled hot sauces. And some kitchen utensils, and to Daughter-in-Law, a silly wooden figure you can pose.

Of course, wife Alison gave Daughter-in-Law something totally unique, and fairly priceless. If you don’t win the anthology with Alison’s latest novella, you can pick it up at your bookstore in a month or so. You can read the dedication. Taylor is now famous!

My wife wasn’t finished with the unique gifts. I got a four pound box of strangeness. Alison couldn’t wait to see my expression, and I was wondering ahead of time what she could have possibly had purchased for me to make her so happy and excited. Apparently, I did search this out in the past, thought it would be “cool” and then promptly forgot it. Well, Alison remembered.

I open this 8inch cardboard cube. Reaching in, I hit plastic bag, a bulbous stretchy “handle” under the plastic. Sponge? I lift. It’s a plastic bag filled with white… white, something. Alison is gleeful in my mystery. I look back at the box, and remember seeing a picture of the box and the bag before.

I was still holding the “handle” which I realized wasn’t a handle at all.

It was a mushroom.

I got a starter mix for mushrooms! The mushroom on top was like a leftover from the batch of starter stuff they filled the bag with, or an early riser from the starter material itself. My present had been quietly growing in the dark of the box all the while it was sitting under the Christmas Tree!

Yes, either extremely cool in a geeky way, or really really weird.

I think it’s the coolest!

This particular variety of mushroom is legal — It’s an “Oyster Mushroom” of some particular variety, and I can’t wait to get started.

Side note: I’ve tried “magic mushrooms” before (with mixed results!) and long ago vowed never to touch those god-awful things again. You know that scene in the Harry Potter movie where Harry, Hermione, and Ron all drink that shape changing sludge? Remember what their reaction is directly afterwards? The retching, the violent throwing up? That’s me in 1976. I remember that, the violent throwing up. Not a whole lot afterwards, though…

I want to thank all of my friends and family for their gifts, and I truly appreciate each and every one. Astros and Texans shirts are great.(Thank you, M&J!) Some shirts are more special than others.(You know who you are!)

And I want to thank my wife, who has been able to hold my attention all these years with not only her charm and wit, but also her ability to surprise me.

Wednesday, I’ll be spending taking all of my gifts I gave to Alison back to the store because I bought the wrong size, or because the Chinese Swedes at Ikea forgot to include the lamp shade in the lamp and lampshade box… Hooray for Christmas!