Terrell Owens attempted suicide last night. I’ll joke on this once I know he’s alright.

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He’s the lawyer! Slap
He’s the daddy! Slap
He’s the lawyer! Slap
He’s the daddy! Slap

The Chinatown soap opera that is Anna Nicole Smith’s life takes another twist.

So the lawyer was doing it with Anna Nicole. Talk about your Lawyer-Client privileges!

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Chevy Chase is Mel Gibson, and you’re not.

Anyone who gets that reference is either very versed with SNL or very old or both. Chevy will be portraying Mel Gibson’s anti-Jewish drunken rant in an ep of NBC’s Law And Order.

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Alison doesn’t know what I howled with laughter so hard about last night. She was in the other room, and didn’t know I had the TV on, accidentally turned to the second episode of the year of ABC’s Boston Legal. I love it when William Shatner says something outrageously funny. TV Squad has a thread on it.

Oh, and the midget was funny, too!

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Rick Miller performs Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody switching between 25 of music’s “most annoying voices” [via Digg] (sound req’d)

Certainly the best one of these I’ve seen all week.

– — –

Dr. Phil settled a lawsuit that said he promoted a diet plan that didn’t work. The diet company has to pay, and Dr. Phil doesn’t. Good work, Dr. Phil!

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There’s a nanotechnology conference going on in Dallas and one of the speakers there is H.Ross Perot, the former self funded presidential candidate (handgrenade with the bad haircut). I think if the conference was held in Houston he wouldn’t show up. That man hates Houston.

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I’m pointed to Tom’s Hardware where they have the guide to the best video cards for the money. Broken down by price and by AGP/PCIe slot style. I haven’t read it yet, but will expect that ATI will be on my radar screen for the first time in a long while. Alison and I have older computers with NVidea cards, while her laptops have always had ATI embedded. Just read the text of the article, though. The embedded ads might mislead you.

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Ramadan rioting in Belgium: it’ll only get worse after the elections there in early October.

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Fantasia Barino, the winner of a previous season of American Idol, had her “autobiography” published last year where it sold some 48,000 copies or so. Problem: Fantasia is illiterate.

The ghost writer wants recognition for doing the actual writing of the thing, and though was paid $48,000 for doing the work, wasn’t aware Fantasia couldn’t read until she passed on reviewing the first few chapters Kim worked on.

RadarOnline has more of the story.

The ghostwriter got word of the upcoming Lifetime movie being made of the book, and figured she’d take credit for the book see if the producers wanted any of her input.

The concept of a ghostwriter is that you don’t get credit for the work.

For example, Great Big Beautiful Doll: The Anna Nicole Smith Story, one of the first books published about Anna Nicole Smith’s life was ghostwritten by someone I know. I’m not at liberty to say who it is (not Alison)

UPDATE: If Kim Green is the real ghostwriter, then this lawsuit filed by Fantasia’s father is going to have to be ammended to include Ms. Green:

(AP) The father of “American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino has filed a $10 million libel suit against the publisher of a book about his daughter, alleging that it contains “false, exaggerated, sensational, intentional and malicious untruths.”

In papers filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, Joseph Barrino is seeking damages from Simon & Schuster, which released “Fantasia: Life Is Not a Fairy Tale” in 2005. The book was made into a TV movie, starring Fantasia, that aired on the Lifetime network in August.

Among the details disputed by Joseph Barrino: that he was hostile to the music industry, that he asks his daughter for money when she visits him, that his children’s musical careers were more important than their education.

hmm… Oh, we’ll be hearing more of this, I’m sure! We won’t care, but we’ll be hearing it anyway!

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And finally, Sex. By the Numbers.

A new book with several items featured by The Sun in an article here

Problem is, I think the author pretty much copied everything she saw out of Cosmo and erotic novels. For example:

5 SEX TRICKS ON ICE

Put an ice cube in your mouth before giving your partner oral pleasure – remove it or keep it in your mouth and roll it round as you suck.

Tie your lover to a chair or bed, then hold an ice cube in the warmth of your palm over them and teasingly let melting droplets splash over their erogenous zones.

Kiss each other’s mouths while you exchange an ice cube for a kinky hot-and-cold tongue fest.

50 The percentage of couples who have watched porn with their partners.
As an ice cube starts melting, trail the ice over your lover’s curves. Blindfold them to heighten sensitivity in their skin and occasionally plant warm kisses where they least expect it.

I swear that’s right out of Cosmopolitan magazine.