There ain’t no such thing as a Cyber Monday. We told you so yesterday, but in truth it’s been a known for years that “Cyber Monday” was hyped up fantasy. Much like Jessica Simpson’s talent.

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There is no Jessica Simpson sex tape, no matter what the gossip columns say. I know. She told me herself. She was riding a pink elephant in my pajamas.

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Speaking of talentless hacks, remember that scene in the movie BORAT where he makes off with Pamela Anderson? It seems that nobody told her husband the details about it until he watched a screening of the movie. [Page Six] This apparently led to enough fighting that Spamela and Kid Rock are now divorcing. Who would have thought that a fictional character could break up a marry-age? Niii-iice!

Maybe it wasn’t Borat after all… maybe Spamela was getting her divorce on in enough time to follow Tommy Lee on tour with his fantasy band ROCKSTAR: SUPERDUD…

Cuppabits’ Swami “Jorge” predicts the date when paparazzi photos hit the web of Pamela and Tommy Lee partying together as… December 16, 2006.

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Britney trying her best to slut it up, — and by “slut it up” we mean “forget to wear underwear and get crotch photographed”.

Ahh, remember when K-Fed was a sobering influence on BritBrit??

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Wanna scare a TV advertiser?

Tell ‘em the biggest audience of YouTube videos is rich old people

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Watched HEROES last night. “Six Months Earlier” Um, I know we needed this information, but I’m truly sorry it had to be info dumped on us like this. For a series that specialized in dramatic moments, everything in this episode was pretty much dumped on us.

Good news: It clears things up quite a bit. Bad news: I’m now less interested in the show.

This is still Must See TV, though.

Aren’t you glad Syler’s name isn’t “Timex” ?

– Takes a licking, keeps on ticking –

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Have kids? Wanna know what they’ll tell Santa what they want? Have a Vonage phone?

You can let your kids call Santa directly!

Broadband phone company Vonage is offering a new service to help parents find out what their kids want for Christmas.

Anyone who dials 1-700-CallSanta (1-700-225-5726) from a Vonage phone will be directly connected with the “North Pole.” Children can listen to a message from Santa and then leave him a voice mail telling him what they would like for Christmas.

Vonage will automatically send the message to the voice mail box of the account holder, so that he or she can ensure that Santa delivers. The program began in October, and runs through December 24.

I have a Vonage phone and may call this myself. I want to talk to Santa.

It’s been a while.

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Wired has a take on the the PS3 games — the good, the bad, and the fugly

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And finally, GOING GREEN.

When you’re gone from this earth, and you want to be buried, perhaps you want your coffin to be just as much worm food as you are. Oregon will see the North American debut of the world’s first casket made of recycled materials

Eugene based Natural Burial Company will be the first in the nation to import the Ecopod from Great Britain, where it was invented. The Ecopod is made of recycled paper and is covered in recycled silk and mulberry leaves.

But what makes it stand out most is its shape. It’s curved like a seed pod. Some people wonder if it’s a kayak cover when they first see it.
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Ecopod.co.uk

Listen, I don’t care what happens to my mortal remains after I’m gone. Putting my body in a coffin that will last a hundred years in the ground while my body is dust doesn’t make much sense, but putting my body in a case that will start melting before the last shovel of dirt is poured on top of me just doesn’t feel right.

I’ve lived my life too much around plastic, I suppose.

I don’t want stuff to start sprouting off of my coffin like I’m some damn Chia Pet.