Cuppacafe

I know that by now you are all familiar with the national sport of the U.S., suing the crap out of everyone. Lindsey Lohan tried it recently, and since this is something of a "fake" lawsuit (OK, it is a real lawsuit, but no one other than Lindsey is taking it seriously). Want to know how I know this? I just read the following on Legal Blog Watch.com.

Welcome back to Judge Carton Rules, where a fake judge issues rulings to spare the parties to cases in which the outcome is obvious the time and expense of further litigation. Here is today's docket:

Case 1: In the awesome commercial below, the toddler girlfriend of the E-Trade baby demands to know if "that milk-o-holic Lindsay was over" at her boyfriend's house. Lindsay "You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Commercial Is About You" Lohan says that she “has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna,” and as such, the ad has misappropriated her "name and characterization.” She's asking for $100 million.

Judge Carton's ruling: Bwaaaah haaahaaaaahaaaaaa hahhaaaaa!! Wow. Good to laugh like that once in a while. Now get out of my fake courtroom, "Lindsay," and do not return. E-Trade's future Motion to Dismiss is GRANTED.

(In case you missed the vid, we posted it here)

The Perfessor

OK, I'm all for laughing at the clown-jobs and yaboos that populate this world, but not only is this story not funny, but, well, the folks involved in this story need to seriously have the living crap slapped out of them, and I'm forming a line right over here...

Korean baby dies as parents Kim Yoo-chul and Choi Mi-sun raise virtual bub

A COUPLE addicted to computer games let their real baby starve to death while raising a virtual daughter online.

Police said the couple spent up to12 hours a day at internet cafes, leaving their three-month-old daughter home alone at their apartment in Suwon, South Korea.

Police said the couple became obsessed with living online and neglected their real lives, The Sun reports.

They raised an avatar baby through their profiles on a Second Life-style game called PRIUS, while their real daughter was given just one bottle of milk a day.

I remember the Tamagotchi's from when my kids were younger. I tried to keep my son's electronic pal going for a bit, then it died, and well, we all moved on to other toys. I think the folks in this story, should have done that quite a bit of time ago.

The Prefessor

If you haven't then perhaps you should simply stay way, stay far, far away. Never heard of ChatRoulette? Don't worry, you don't really want to know, but since you are obviously still reading this post, let's talk about this for a bit. From the little I know about it is that ChatRoulette is a new website that brings users (with computers and webcams) face-to-face, via with an endless stream of random strangers all over the world. The "Roulette" pare come s in that when you are bored (or freaked out) by your chat buddy, you simply hit "F9" and spin to a new partner.

Well, all the news electronic news media is reporting on this (because, as we all know, there is no war going on in either Afghanistan or Iraq, and they have to fill 24/7 air time with something).

Anyway, our pal Jon Stewart did a segment on it last night:

Tonight, Jon Stewart finally—and hilariously—jumped on the Chatroulette bandwagon. Stewart mocked the media's obsession with the Internet's newest fad, before trying it out himself—and running into Diane Sawyer, Keith Olbermann, Katie Couric, Brian Williams and more. Here are screengrabs of all his best encounters (they were real). [CLICK HERE] to see full video of the epic segment

You, friends, just need to look below.

Not for nothing, but one of those guys did look a lot like Walt (I was wondering why he didn't have time to post any more).

The Perfessor

No, no, I'm not talking about the Jon Stewart smack-down of the right-wing(nut) demagogue talking heads (including former Dark Lord...er VP Dick Chaney Glen Beck) along with their cronies who addressed the CPAC convention in DC. OK, OK, I'm sure that they are all not nutjobs, and that some of them believe the nonsense they spout, but I can't imagine that any of the speakers at this "Woodstock for Conservatives" actually do.

As if by way of proof, there is this bit of oddity that Glen Beck is selling (the first half of this vid).

Seriously? "Progressivism" is the source of our problems? "Liberals" are the enemy? Who are these guys? Scrooge McDuck? Ebenezer Scrooge?

Interestingly enough, Progressivism is described as:

...a political movement that represents the interests of ordinary people in their roles as taxpayers, consumers, employees, citizens, and parents. To coin a phrase, progressivism champions government "of the people, by the people, for the people."Given this mission, one might expect all democracies to be made up predominantly of one or another Progressive parties. Unfortunately, this isn't the case.

And if retrograde thinkers like Glen Beck have their way they won't

As for Liberals being the enemy, I refer you all to comments made by Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits, who was elected President of the US during the final season of The West Wing). Here is an exchange between him and Arnold Vinick (Republican candidate for President, during that same show), that took place during a "televised" debate between the two candidates.

Santos: It's true. Republicans have tried to turn liberal into a bad word. Well, liberals ended slavery in this country.
Vinick: A Republican President ended slavery.
Santos: Yes, a liberal Republican; what happened to them, Senator? They got run out of your party! What did liberals do that was so offensive to the Republican Party? I'll tell you what they did. Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things, every one. So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, 'Liberal,' as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won't work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor.

Personally, I don't consider myself to be a liberal. I'm a conservative. I was when I originally declared as a Republican, and I still was nearly 30 years later when I left to join the Democrat party. I didn't change, the party did.

I sincerely believe that we are basically a nation of centrists, but that there is so much dissension between the extremes ends of the political spectrum that if a Democrat were to develop the ideally-perfect plan to end all of the problems in the US, that (even if absolutely everyone agreed that it was the ideal solution), the Republicans would block it from passing.

Conversely, if a Republican were to propose that exact same ideally-perfect plan, that (again, even if absolutely everyone agreed that it was the ideal solution), the Democrats would block it from passing. I feel that what passes for governing in this country is really about blocking any idea that isn't "ours," because somehow it is perceived that doing nothing is better than allowing "the other guy" to get credit for doing the right thing.

Mores the pity

The Perfessor

Has this (hopefully not) ever happened to you? You board a plane, and before takeoff, the pilot comes to you and tells to get your lard ass off the plane because you are too big to fit inside their jumbo jet. Well, it recently happened to filmmaker Keven Smith:

As many of you already know -- because Tweets travel faster than airplanes -- Kevin Smith, the portly film director of the movie "Clerks" and the upcoming film "Cop Out," was "politely" asked to disembark from his Southwest flight from Oakland to Burbank because he was too large to fit in the seat.

Okay, let's be frank: He was kicked off the flight. The reason he was given was that his size infringed upon the space of the person sitting next to him and it could cause a safety risk in case of an emergency.

Well, Smith is something of a media-savvy kind of guy, so he wasn't about to take an affront this, ah, huge, sitting down (or walking off, as it were). Plus, as a very popular director, writer, and all-round digitally-plugged in guy, he immediately alerted his fans.

Smith — the Red Bank-born director known for his "Silent Bob" character in "Clerks" — unleashed a barrage of more than 200 Twitter posts and produced a lengthy podcast slamming Southwest for kicking him off the plane for being too obese to fit in his seat.

"I’m way fat, but I’m not there just yet," Smith twittered.

Yeah, Smith is exactly the kind of guy that I'm going to want to embarrass.

The Perfessor

I'm not sure who's life is sadder, the folks who participated in this event, the folks who filmed it, the people who watcherd it at the mall, or me, for posting it here.

The Perfessor

No one is quite sure why this Wal-Mart Shopper went 'round the twist, but he took a baseball bat and smashed three dozen TVs in the the store.

Needless to say, it was not only witnessed by the other shoppers, but a videocam.

Shortly after, he submitted to a pair of handcuffs and 29 counts of criminal damage to property in the second degree, and if the initial tallies are correct, he somehow managed to mar over $22,000 worth of goods. Chin up, Mr. Strellis -- maybe you'll end up in a cell next to this brainiac.

Makes you want to run right out to see what all the fuss is about, eh?

The Perfessor

So, a couple of days ago we chatted about over-eager school administrators suspending a 10-year-old for having in his possession a 2" toy Lego gun while on school property. Well, you just have to wonder why they took away the harmless toy, but left a student in possession of a very deadly pencil.

A math class dispute among middle-schoolers in New York led to a felony charge against an 11-year-old boy after he allegedly attacked with a sharp pencil a classmate who had annoyed him with offers of help.

The unidentified suspect in the Sauquoit Valley Middle School incident was charged with felony attempted assault and misdemeanor criminal possession of a weapon, according to New Hartford police. He was also suspended, reports the Associated Press.

The subject of the attack was treated by a school nurse for a scratch.

So remember while the pen is indeed mightier than the sword, a pencil is way more deadly than a tiny Lego gun.

Yeah, the whole world is crazy!

The Perfessor

In the past we've spoken about some over-the-top, extra-gung-ho folks who feel that it is necessary to "take it (way past) the limit" as it were.

While we shouldn't be surprised by the Zero Tolerance polices of some folk, we constantly are surprised by how — well extra stupid they play out in the real world. Well, apparently it has happened again.

On Monday, a teacher at Junior High School 190 in Queens caught 12-year-old Alexa Gonzalez doodling on her desk with a lime green magic marker. Instead of just erasing it, the school called police and the girl was walked out in handcuffs.

A day later, Principal Evelyn Mastroianni of Public School 52 on Staten Island nearly suspended 9-year-old Patrick Timoney for playing with an action figure who had a 2-inch gun.

Yep, you read that correctly, it was a 2" gun. As a matter of fact, it was a very tiny gun that is held by a very tiny Lego figure, so there is absolutely no way that this could be considered a working gun, even by the mos stringent of protocols. Yet still, the kid was hauled down to the Principal's office.

On another planet, in another lifetime, or perhaps as an SNL sketch all of this could be considered hilarious, except for the fact that not only is little Alexa throwing up every day, but little Patrick — an "A" student, in math no less — simply didn't want to go back to school. Now who's the asshat?

This type of high-minded moralizing, and out of control PC-fueled attempt to protect us from ourselves, is simply beyond stupid. I have to know where these teachers and principals are when the schoolyard bully is stuffing geeks into lockers and boosting kids' lunch money.

The Perfessor

OK, I can understand not liking certain types of books, and I understand that, over the course of time, throughout the history of this country, people have chosen to dislike certain works of literature (Lady Chatterley's Lover) or films (The Moon is Blue), and trying to get them banned, but this, this goes too far...

Perhaps it's not that surprising that a mother in Menifee, California, asked the Menifee Union School District to ban all copies of the 10th edition of Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary after her child stumbled across the term "oral sex." What is surprising, indeed horrifying, is that district officials immediately complied with her request, and pulled all dictionaries off classroom shelves throughout the Southern California school district, which serves 9,000 kids, kindergarten through eighth grade.

Apparently, district officials indicated that they are going to form a committee to consider a permanent classroom ban of the Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. A spokeswoman for the district, Betti Cadmus, stated that school officials plan on reviewing the dictionary to decide if it should be banned permanently because of the "sexually graphic" entry. Cadmus went on to say, "It's hard to sit and read the dictionary, but we'll be looking to find other things of a graphic nature."

Yeah, and we all know that's just what those fourth and fifth graders like to do. OK, OK, so when I was that age and I got my hands on an "adult" dictionary, the first thing I did was look up the definition to all of the sexual terms that I knew, and no, none of them were either satisfying or even vaguely erotic.

Still, this totally blows, and we, as a society are morally and ethically bankrupt if we let the puritanical police (and our own fears) rule us.

The Perfessor

I know that Lost fans are fairly rabid folk, but when it was announced that this season’s premiere was about to be preempted by President Obama’s initial State of the Union Address; well you can imagine how far over the top they went.

Lost fans, fear not. The important premiere of the final season of your show will not be affected by the President of the United States’ obviously less important (first) State of the Union.

Press secretary Robert Gibbs assuaged the concerns of millions today during the briefing.

“I will say this on behalf of ABC radio,” said Gibbs. “I don’t foresee a scenario in which the millions of people who hope to finally get some conclusion in Lost are preempted by the President.”

Now I like my entertainment too (nearly got the DTs when no comics were delivered the week between Christmas & New Years, but that’s an entirely different story), but seriously, these folks need to get a tighter grip on their horses.

The Perfessor

By now I’m sure that many of you have already heard about the Christmas Eve attack on the pope. Here is some raw video footage of the attack (it happens almost immediately in the vid, and then repeats halfway through):

The attack, which was captured on video by a witness and rocketed around the Web yesterday, occurred as the 82-year-old pontiff was preparing for Christmas Eve Mass. As he moved toward the altar at St. Peter’s Basilica, a dark-haired woman, wearing a red top and what appeared to be blue jeans, leaped over a barrier.

When papal security guards tackled her immediately, she grabbed the pope’s vestments and dragged him to the ground. The woman, identified by the Vatican as a Swiss-Italian named Susanna Maiolo, 25, was taken to a clinic for mental health treatment.

I guess the world really is full of crazies, eh?

The Perfessor

OK, we all heard the stories about the 6-year-old cub Scout who got suspended for bringing a camping utensil to school? Or the student that was suspend for giving his girlfriend his inhaler because she was having an asthma attack? Well, here’s one that simply (unbelievably) tops both of them:

Yeah, you read that right, the kid was sent home because he drew a picture of Jesus on the cross, and it was determined to be a “violent” picture.

A Taunton father is outraged after his 8-year-old son was sent home from school and required to undergo a psychological evaluation after drawing a stick-figure picture of Jesus Christ on the cross.

The father said he got a call earlier this month from Maxham Elementary School informing him that his son, a second-grade student, had created a violent drawing. The image in question depicted a crucified Jesus with Xs covering his eyes to signify that he had died on the cross. The boy wrote his name above the cross.

I have to tell you that I am so sick of this kind of crap that I could simply vomit.

The Perfessor

Back in the ’70s there were all sorta of goofy crap, one of the goofiest was the Pet Rock. Personally, I think that while it was essentially harmless it sghould have stayed there. However, other folks have other ideas...

The Pet Rock phenomenon was an unbelievable experiment performed in the 70s by an advertising executive. The challenge: could he take a simple idea, market it, make people happy, and use it all to turn himself into a millionaire? The answer: yes. And . . . well, we at ThinkGeek love performing famous experiments to see if we can duplicate the outcome. But we need your help.

For more and how to order your own go here.

Some people never learn.

The Perfessor

By all accounts this could very well be the end of the world as we know it...no, not the Mayan Calendar, nor the movie based on that silliness but this...

BETTENDORF, Iowa - "Leggo my Eggo!" It is a line you have seen in Kellogg's Eggo commercials since the 1970's and now the fight for the popular breakfast food heats up due to a shortage. Shoppers in search of the Eggo are coming up empty-handed.

The following message appears on the company's website:

You may have noticed that some of your favorite Eggo® Products are out of stock. We are working hard to get all of our products back into grocers' freezers as quickly as possible. We apologize for any inconvenience and appreciate your continued support.

The problem began a few months ago when the Eggo facility in Atlanta, Georgia closed after inspectors found bacteria called Listeria in a sample of Eggos. The bacteria can cause serious infection.

Kellogg then recalled about 4,500 cases of Eggos on September 2nd. The plant was cleaned and sanitized while it was closed and was about to re-open when excessive rain caused flooding, forcing the plant to remain closed.

Kellogg officials say the shortage of Eggo products could last until the middle of 2010.