Cuppacafe

I know that by now you are all familiar with the national sport of the U.S., suing the crap out of everyone. Lindsey Lohan tried it recently, and since this is something of a "fake" lawsuit (OK, it is a real lawsuit, but no one other than Lindsey is taking it seriously). Want to know how I know this? I just read the following on Legal Blog Watch.com.

Welcome back to Judge Carton Rules, where a fake judge issues rulings to spare the parties to cases in which the outcome is obvious the time and expense of further litigation. Here is today's docket:

Case 1: In the awesome commercial below, the toddler girlfriend of the E-Trade baby demands to know if "that milk-o-holic Lindsay was over" at her boyfriend's house. Lindsay "You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Commercial Is About You" Lohan says that she “has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna,” and as such, the ad has misappropriated her "name and characterization.” She's asking for $100 million.

Judge Carton's ruling: Bwaaaah haaahaaaaahaaaaaa hahhaaaaa!! Wow. Good to laugh like that once in a while. Now get out of my fake courtroom, "Lindsay," and do not return. E-Trade's future Motion to Dismiss is GRANTED.

(In case you missed the vid, we posted it here)

The Perfessor

Well, after reading this story I would have to conclude that the person in question wasn’t actually thinking, so I guess I just answered my own question.

A man who went to casualty with his penis stuck in a steel pipe had to be cut free by firefighters using a metal grinder.

Medics at Southampton General Hospital could not get the man's penis out of the stainless steel pipe because the restricted blood flow had caused it to become aroused.

Now, I could go on, but perhaps I’ll just spare you all, and ask you to make the jump and read the story yourself.

A spokesman for the Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service stated that, at least initially, the rescue crew did not have the proper cutting equipment to free the man.

“It was a very delicate operation that required a very steady hand and the crew was worried about things getting too hot during the cutting.

“It's certainly an unusual call-out and I'm sure the man won't be getting into that situation again.”

By now I’m sure that many of you have already heard about the Christmas Eve attack on the pope. Here is some raw video footage of the attack (it happens almost immediately in the vid, and then repeats halfway through):

The attack, which was captured on video by a witness and rocketed around the Web yesterday, occurred as the 82-year-old pontiff was preparing for Christmas Eve Mass. As he moved toward the altar at St. Peter’s Basilica, a dark-haired woman, wearing a red top and what appeared to be blue jeans, leaped over a barrier.

When papal security guards tackled her immediately, she grabbed the pope’s vestments and dragged him to the ground. The woman, identified by the Vatican as a Swiss-Italian named Susanna Maiolo, 25, was taken to a clinic for mental health treatment.

I guess the world really is full of crazies, eh?

The Perfessor

Will Facebook Destroy Your Marriage? Who knows, but if you were to believe the report from below (from Law.com), then perhaps you had better reevaluate how you (and your spouse) spend your spare time.

Facebook It turns out that one of the most significant impacts that the rapid spread of Facebook is having on society may be ... destroying marriages?

The Telegraph reports that by reconnecting old flames and enabling new ones, Facebook is tempting to people to cheat on their partners. One law firm that specializes in divorce asserts that almost one in five petitions they process cite Facebook as a reason, as spouses are finding evidence of flirting and even affairs on the site.

The 20 percent statistic may be high as it comes from a law firm that handles divorces online, but Mark Keenan, managing director of Divorce-Online, says that after hearing from his staff that Facebook was a recurring issue, he confirmed the 20 percent figure. "The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to," he says.

The article even mentions one 35-year-old woman who discovered her husband was divorcing her when he updated his Facebook status to read: "Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady."

Yeah, this has been done before (I remember a non-slanderous smear speech that I read in Mad Magazine a century or so back), and, well, this vid takes a sideways poke at Tiger and any other public figure that has had to stand in front of a bank of Mics to say “Oops, I f#cked up.” Enjoy, I know that I did.

Now we should all learn from all this, and be able to regurgitate it on command.

The Perfessor

Yep, that's right I just got word that my latest published work is up online on the web.

The work is a web comic entitles Girl Skout Warz, and it is about, well young girls in uniform, the end of the world as we know it, and brain-eating zombies, so it could very well be the hottest web comic ever.

Here are the first two strips.

I am currently awaiting the lettering to be finished on the next three, after-which they will be posted as well. Now that these two are up, I'm actually going to have to write some more I suppose.

Let me Know what you folks think.

The Perfessor