Cuppacafe

Heroes? Villains? CHOOSE A SIDE

Ramping up the superhero aspect of their show, HEROES looks to finally getting around to having their characters do battle.

About damn time.

Beewildered

Nothing like being out in the field with your handheld GPS device trying to take some measurements in the tall briars when you step on a bee. Okay, a lot of bees. The bees probably started going after my legs and worked their way up, because the first sting was on my high inner thigh. I had some boots and some snakeproof leggings on, so the inner thigh was my first vital spot unprotected.

I yelped. Dropped my handheld GPS, having failed at adding a makeshift lanyard only an hour earlier.

The bees now own my GPS device. I hope they got as frustrated working with it as I did.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, running from the asshole bees. These bastards were big ones. I can now say they were bumblebees for reasons I’ll go into in a moment.

At first I thought it was a stinging nettle, a type of plant. It was on the second sting I realized it was something flying around me, because this one was on my wrist. My right wrist. My left would get stung later. Sometime after my left index finger (twice there) and after my skull stung behind my left ear.

After I ran a bit, still not seeing my attackers, I turned, still in the high grass, rapidly turning this way and that to see what got me. Large, and ponderous, most of them hovering around the ground nest I must have disturbed. My stings were smarting now, but I had dropped my GPS device, and was curious how close the drop was to their base of operations. One or two of them charged at me, but I had on hand an umbrella because a) it was getting ready to rain and was already spattering some drops in a decent breeze, and b) even though I had snake proof leggings, I know to use an umbrella to form a temporary shield between angry snake and self. I opened the umbrella and shook it about, hoping to — well, almost immediately a gust of wind flipped my umbrella inside out. I shook the limp umbrella about anyway, thinking that might confuse them, and they’d get back to minding the obviously excited bee nest…

I took the time to call my lovely wife, to tell her I had been attacked, and was waiting the bees to calm down so I could get my GPS device back and

– then all she heard was my screams.

Not only were the bees NOT fooled by my umbrella, they flew around it, and around me, and attacked me from the rear. It was a joint attack, and I felt like I had been stalked like the prey of some much smarter pack of animals than simple bees.

It was then I fled the field for good, and bidding my GPS a fond fairwell, made it out of the tall grass and weeds and quickly walked back to the car, a good 75 yards away from the original site of the attack and — OWW!!

Yeah, vindictive trackers. Nailed again, right before the car. I hop in the car with my recently flipped back to normal umbrella and realize that HE. COULD. BEE. IN. THE. CAR. HIDING. IN. THE. UMBRELLA!!!

I opened the door and threw the umbrella out, and whether he was in the umbrella or not, he was right there, about to sting me again.

I thought these bees only could sting once or something? Well, bumblebees don’t have barbs, so they keep their stingers and they can let you have it multiple times. So, I wasn’t looking at scores of bees sacrificing themselves… Just three or so from the initial attack… and one punk ass bee who followed me. I was still smarting, sitting in the car at this point, and there the bee was… lying low… I just knew it. Waiting for me to get out of the car.

And ya know what? He was.

I wanted my umbrella back, at least. It had been some five minutes or so since I threw out the thing, surely even the most stalwart bee would have gotten the message and gone home. I opened my door and, sensing a trap, quickly closed it up again. Yes. He was RIGHT. THERE. Nearly trapped him in my car door jam. He knew the jig was up, and flew up and then straight at me — and hitting the driver’s side window in the process. He flew around, and tried flying through my windshield next, with the same results. I had my camera out by this time, trying to take his picture. As slow as they seem to fly, between the breeze from the nearby storm (it never did rain hard) and him trying to angle in another attack, I’m sure all I have in my camera’s memory are panic shots of the inside of my car.

UPDATE: One of the shots did capture his image. He looks scary even through glass, made worse by the blur caused by the autofocus trying to decide what I wanted to take a picture of.

He’s prolly 1 inch from wingtip to wingtip. And you’re looking at the business end of the bee, trying to sting me right through the glass window…

– — –

One day, when I least expect it, I’ll hear the doorbell…

“Who is it?”

“Candygram”

“I didn’t order a Candygram”

“Uh, UPS guy delivering your new GPS unit”

“Oh! In that case let me open the door and …”

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

“Aaaaaaieeeeeeeee!!!”

[cue the horror movie music]

LOL Oil Hunting

The price of oil today was reported as 70 pounds of Kraft Cheddar Cheese for every barrel of oil, so even my dog is out there looking for a well location.

That knocked down sign in the background represents a well that was very close to finding some oil, but had well problems and had to be abandoned.

Snickers sniffed around and finally gave me a well location we could both agree upon.

When Obama almost died

The conspiracy theorists would have had a field day with the crash that didn’t happen.

Officials at Midwest Airlines, which operates the campaign charter, said that the plane’s pilot was merely exercising a suitable precaution when he diverted during a planned flight from Chicago to Charlotte, N.C., landing safely at Lambert–St. Louis International Airport at 9:51 am local time. The pilot’s reason: the plane had exhibited “controllability issues” after encountering turbulence following takeoff, and the pilot apparently had difficulty managing the pitch of the aircraft—that is, the extent to which the nose of the aircraft is pointed up or down. Pitch is critically important to aviation safety, as it determines the speed of the aircraft and its rate of climb or descent.

Examination of the aircraft on the ground revealed that turbulence had caused an emergency slide located in the plane’s tail section to deploy in flight. The inflated slide then apparently pressed against hydraulic lines leading to actuators that move the elevator at the top of the aircraft’s T-shaped tail. [Popular Mechanics]

How did it happen? The NTSB has the plane on the ground and they get to look at the uncrashed plane. Perhaps they’ll give an official reason soon.

But what would have happened with a crashed plane and a dead candidate? No theory would have been too wild to put forth, and no proof would have been fully believed by everyone. Riots in some cities perhaps… No telling.

Meanwhile, I will dub Barack Obama as…

“HE’S THE CANDIDATE WHO LIVED!!”

***

In a related note about exciting lives lived…

Here’s the man who has invites Death into his house just so he can get a good partner for chess…
Stay thirsty my friends

Batman movie music sample

If you want a bit of a listen to the music present in the upcoming Batman movie, click play in the little player below for a sample.

The score seems a bit of a cross between Trent Reznor’s NINE INCH NAILS and if you listen for a bit, there’s a touch of Kraftwerk in there as well.

So, not the happy Batman TV show music, and not the glorious gothic knight symphony we’ve had in the past.

This is more like… “Enter the psychotic mad killer”

via [LATimes]

Telemarketers deserve what they get

We all get tagged by them, and the deepest pits in Hell are reserved for them. Yep, Telemarketers are the bane of our existence, they clog up our phone lines and interrupt our dinner, well, now there is a way to get back at them. Yes, really, just watch, and enjoy:

The Perfessor

Defend your barbeque

For the first time in my adult life, I’m having a BBQ at my house on the Fourth Of July and I’m not having to cook. I should do this more often! Thanks, Holly!

Meanwhile, a little known clause guaranteed us by the Second Amendment to the Constitution states

A well regulated cookout being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear gun shaped BBQ grills shall not be infringed.

“You can have my barbeque when you pull this grill from my cold dead hands… “

Happy Fourth, everyone in America!

The rest of you lot, get your own holiday!