Cuppacafe

Milking a new design

So, you think that you know how to do something as simple as pouring milk from a gallon jug? Perhaps not so much. No, really, apparently, Sam’s Club is holding in-store courses for its customers on how to pour milk. I kid you not.

No, this isn’t some remedial pouring course for the less-than-competent, this is due exclusively to a new ergonomic design for milk cartons that exclusive to Sam’s (and now Wal-Mart). The new milk carton is not only constructed out of recycled materials, but it is square. Yep, square.

The new design apparently allows the milk to be shipped in cardboard shells (like soda, or canned food) rather than traditional plastic milk cases. The new design thus allows for more milk to be shipped and stores in the same amount of space, making it more economical to ship and store.

The net result is a lower cost per gallon of milk. Read more in the NY Times (free registration required), or just watch a vid.

The Perfessor

Stupid is as Stupid does

So, this morning I’m watching the local news and a report comes on about some Middle School girl who was arrested for snapping a nude picture of a classmate and then distributing it on the ‘net.

WESTPORT - Westport police have charged a 12-year-old girl with distributing a nude photo of a classmate.

Police say they started investigating in mid-May after hearing a nude snapshot was being e-mailed between students at Coleytown Middle School. According to police, the photograph was taken during a video chat.

Via Channel 12 News

Yep, that’s Westport, CT the (former) home of convicted felon Martha Stewart. Now, watching this story, you might simply think that privileged kids are, well, stupid (not realizing that this isn’t just some schoolyard prank, but — you know — child porn), and well a federal offense, for which she could possibly carry a lifelong stigma of having to register on a sex offender registry.

As the story played out on the tube, (complete with the girl’s lawyer trying to explain that she shouldn’t be prosecuted because a) it was a joke gone bad, b) she didn’t know better and c) I stopped listening, because all I could do was shake my head in disbelief as I couldn’t figure out how kids could be this flat-out stupid.

Then the story that followed was one on a guy who was fired from his job because he instructed a subordinate to paint a swastika on the desk of a co-worker. The fired supervisor was attempting to explain that he shouldn’t be fired and go to jail for perpetuating a hate crime because a) it was a joke gone bad, b) and again I stopped listening.

Just when I began to realize that the kid probably had the best defense in the world (“Hey our parents aren’t any smarter than us”), came the following story…

(06/17/08) BRIDGEPORT - Bridgeport police say they arrested a city man after he ordered his pet to attack two officers. Lucky for them that 9-foot-long pythons aren’t very obedient.

Via News 12

Yep, he ordered his snake to attack the cops. I was going to crack wise about this story, but I’m not entirely sure what I’d have to do to it to turn it into more of a joke than it already is.

Me? I’m going back to drinking heavy and reading about guys who wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes, to fight crime, because it is simply way-more believable.

The Perfessor

It’s all about ME!

While I truly know how lame it is to go on, and on about one’s self, I find it necessary to tout my own horn every once in a while. So here goes. There is a real-live reporter fellow named Mike Gelbwasser (hey, you just can’t make up a name like that!), who writes for the Sun Chronicle of Attleboro, MA. Well Mike has this whole “Online Community” he services with his very fine column, and — as something of a funnybook aficionado himself — he somehow got hooked up with my pals over at the Comicbook Artists Guild (CAG).

Mike’s goal, you see, was to hook up with some funnybook folks local to him in the New England area, and well, we turned him on to our membership, so he’s been interviewing some of the New England group. (He already spoke to Everett Soares, writer of the wonderful Sky Pirates from Free Lunch Comics — Unavoidable aside, Free Lunch is the publishing empire of my good buddy Matt Ryan, the artist on Wülf Girlz).

Well, to return the focus of this particular post back to little ol’ me, Mike (for whatever reason) thought that I’d make for a good interview, and buttonholed me for to answer a few questions for him, which I was only too happy to do. The result, it up on line. Check it out. In the interview we talk a bit about my deep, dark past, How I “broke in” to comics, as well as some of the stuff that I’m doing today. So go on over and tell Mike that his column is very cool, and that you want to see him write about me more often.

And no, I’m not even going to mention the “Have you seen Walt S. Tip hotline” (1.800.WHO.CARES) because, as stated, it is all about me.

The Perfessor

Teen sex, STDs, and the CDC

Yep, you read that right, there apparently is a recent report from the CDC that indicates one in four teen aged girls have an STD:

CHICAGO - Startling government research on teenage girls and sexually transmitted diseases sends a blunt message to kids who think they’re immune: It’s liable to happen to you or someone you know.

In the first study of its kind, researchers at the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found at least one in 4 teenage American girls has a sexually transmitted disease.

The most common one is a virus that can cause cervical cancer, and the second most common can cause infertility. Nearly half the black teens in the study had at least one sexually transmitted infection, versus 20 percent among both whites and Mexican-American teens.

(From an MSNBC news item on that report)

As the father of a 13-year-old, I find that pretty scary. According to the study (a National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey conducted in 2003-2004), of female adolescents surveyed, over half of whom reported ever having sex (for some that is vaginal intercourse, while for others it is intimate behavior including oral sex, which can also spread some infections). Even more startling are the numbers themselves, apparently of African American girls 48% had an STI, while 20% of white girls, were infected.

These are some very disturbing numbers. Still, what is perhaps even more disturbing is politicians and religious leaders who want to abolish (and have abolished) sex-ed programs and insist on relying only on Abstinence programs.

Here is what Jon Stewart of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show had to say on all of this…

Sure, sure, he obviously goes for the joke here, but, given the ignorance that abounds, what more can we do?

The Perfessor

P.S.: No really, has anyone seen Walt?

Green Sex!

No, I’m not talking about doing the nasty with the Hulk (although this guy is), I’m talking about sex that is environmentally friendly (hey, personally, I thought that all sex was pretty friendly, but then again, that could just be me).

No, seriously. I’m talking about a website that (apparently) seriously discusses Green Sex. Now, I wasn’t looking for “racy” sites (well, I wasn’t when I stumbled across this page), but I was so entertained when I found it (and with Walt still being held hostage by South Moluccans) I felt it important to post it here.

To be sure, this wasn’t as dirty as you might think, but it was quite fun, and there were a couple of suggestions that I really enjoyed. these included the following:

8. Sex your headaches away

Looking for a natural way to kill that piercing migraine? A recent study involving 84 women shows that there’s a natural cure for headache sufferers, and it’s roughly effective as taking today’s leading medications — sex. This may come as bad news for those of you who like to use headaches as an excuse to avoid a roll in the hay, but 61% of women in the study reported some kind of relief — compared to 60-80% reporting the same relief with the latest migraine drugs. [RELATED: CHECK OUT OUR GREEN SEX GUIDE]

Yeah, and we totally know how well THAT is going to go over, eh?

9. Clean your bedroom

Decluttering your home is reclaiming intimacy. Once the decluttering process is complete, soft lighting and a simple coat of paint offer an intimate atmosphere sure to inspire romance. [RELATED: CHECK OUT OUR GREEN SEX GUIDE]

Another fine idea, I’m sure.

Still there there were also suggestions for Eco-friendly lingerie, Fairtrade condoms, and an Organic way for men to (ahem) “stand at attention.” Then there was the article about former Hollywood madam, Heidi Fleiss opening up an eco-friendly brothel. Still, Still, one of my favorite bits was the item that talked about the environmental impact of all those discarded latex condoms. This article seemed to indicate that there is a better way to go, and that is (no, I’m not kidding) inserting a microchip into your penis.

7. Put a microchip in your penis

If you’ve ever worried about the environmental impact of all those discarded latex condoms, this might be the super-futuristic invention for you! Australian scientists have apparently figured out how to insert a microchip in the vas deferens (that’s the part of the male equipment that delivers semen), and when the man is about to have sex, he can press “pause” on a device that sends RF waves to his intimate microchip. The chip translates the waves into acoustic waves, which then cause the chip to expand, blocking sperm from passing through the vas deferens. [RELATED: CHECK OUT OUR GREEN SEX GUIDE]

Although this last one doesn’t seem to address the issue of STIs, where the “pause” button would be placed, and what happens when the guy gets too distracted (excited) to remember to, ah, flick the switch.

Still, who says you can’t have good, clean, sexy fun on the web? So stay sexy and go green.

Heh, this will teach Walt to go walkabout and leave me in charge…when the cat’s away and all that.

The Perfessor

Walt’s Missing, Day 101

OK, Walt’s really not missing he’s on Mars, and it really hasn’t been 101 days it just seems like that. In the mean time, creatures of legend are coming out of the woods. No really, I’m not kidding.

ROME (June 11) - A deer with a single horn in the center of its head - much like the fabled, mythical unicorn - has been spotted in a nature preserve in Italy, park officials said Wednesday.

“This is fantasy becoming reality,” Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, told The Associated Press. “The unicorn has always been a mythological animal.”

Via AOL News

This is either the coolest thing ever, or a sign of the oncoming apocalypse. You decide.

The Perfessor

And you thought your commute was hell

I’m not sure who has the worse gig here, the lion or the guy chauffeuring him around the ring. Think about who had the idea to put the lion there in the first place. I mean, how do you get a lion to _do_ that??

I can imagine the booking agent calling up the lion —
“Yeah, Fluffy, I KNOW your cousin got the gig at the MGM studios, but this is all I got this week. Take it or leave it.”

via [Le Blog Moto] and [Jalopnik]