UPDATE: Katharine McPhee got a call right before the finale. From Steven Spielberg.

Get in line, bucko.
(This tidbit will be on the next EXTRA tv show, check your local listings. Like you care.)
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While I’ll poke fun at anything that crosses my path, I have to give a firm salute to the finale of American Idol. Not only did the show get every possible set of eyeballs in America to watch it, the show managed to do a supreme job — American Idol final “results” show didn’t have one whit of suspense, but had packed one hell of a lot of actual entertainment in between the commercials.

I was suspicious that something was afoot when I heard “Live” was going to be performing on the show. Now normally, a band that has no real need to pimp themselves by being seen on nationwide TV doesn’t accept a one song gig with a bunch of other nobody singers. For those of you who’ve followed AI, you know the problem of miscommunication when Chris Daughtry’s use of the arrangement of LIVE’s “Walk The Line” originally sung by Johnny Cash made LIVE’s fans upset when they thought Chris claimed that arrangement as his own. But to THEN have that same band show up on the finale show was either a sellout on the band’s part or a huge nod of respect for the juggernaut of popularity for the show.

It was a two hour show. Each 30 second spot went for between $500,000 and $1.3 million, double what the show gets during the year. Certainly less than the series finale of Friends, but hell, that was Friends. They weren’t coming back. Simon, Paula, Randy and SeacrestOut are coming back. They’ll get these advertising rates next year, too.

So, why wasn’t this the crappiest season of American Idol yet, instead of one of the best? Hasn’t America gotten tired of the same old crap as last year, and the year before?
Several factors come into play when talking about American Idol:

1) While the original “Amateur Hour” dates back to when Frank Sinatra first got heard publicly, American Idol had a great mix of crappy singers and great singers. Your audience isn’t old men, it’s the youth of America, and by all reports American Idol has captured that audience very, very well.
2) The huge audience for American Idol helped the show reach what I call, “Critical Mass”. The show has its own weather system. Its own solar system even, with smaller entertainment entities orbiting slowly. You can see that with the random celebrities seen in the audience.
3) Prior to the finale, a major “character” on the show would be killed off. Nobody knows who is offed. You don’t have that kind of suspense on the best show on television. This week, we all knew Taylor was going to win.

I’m making this post not to praise the concept of American Idol. The show works, true, but all good talent scout shows do. During the first season, the combination of the acerbic Simon with the awful talent he was subjected to was delightful, but tiring. I don’t necessarily want to see it more than just once. Others, that’s all they wish to view.

No, I’m making this post to praise just the finale episode, just the results episode that aired Wednesday night. That show will be used as a comparison to all other shows like it. The producers of that deserve an Emmy for a live production.

Part of the fun was the unexpected nature of the thing. For a “results” show where we all really knew who was going to win, there were fun unexpected moments aplenty.

I’ll go through the show after the jump, so I can blog about the individual segments without boring the rest of those who think American Idol is the devil or worse, beneath them.

The show opening: Open with last year’s winner singing with the two finalists walking out and then the rest of the Idolaways… even before the credits. Nice touch.

The videos of the funny segments of this year’s judges: Expected, and still fun. Nice to see Simon blush.

The duet segments: Inspired. A few flawed performances, and, as always, the microphone volume levels are inconsistent, but overall, I was impressed.

• Al Jarreau and Paris — A great start. I’ve always enjoyed Al, and Paris is a future star. The scat singing was a nice touch. Paris is mentally older than she is, and she’ll be a force in the music/entertainment business before this is over.
• LIVE and Chris — Twin singers for a popular rock band. This was supposed to be a surprise and it was to many. I really enjoyed this arrangement, and while Chris is no Ed Kowalczyk, LIVE’s lead singer, it was fun listening to them vocally play off each other. Chris was almost everyone’s favorite to win, and the fact that he’s not tied to a contract after September is actually good for him. He’s probably the hottest commodity the show has produced who didn’t come in first or second.
• Video break for Wolfgang Puck teaching Kelly Pickler all about exotic foods such as escargot –
  I realize for this piece to work, you have to know how much of a country bumpkin (hick) that Kelly is, but she’s such a good sport about knowing so little about food, and the first of the two segments underscored what a sincere young spirit she is. There’s a joke that references virginity here that I’ll just kind of wave at and go on.
• Meatloaf and Katharine — Meatloaf? whoa. The first few bars of the old song that helped make Meatloaf famous made me cringe, and that was the first time I thought the show was headed downward into a mess of bad songs. But as soon as Katharine chimed in, the whole production sounded like it was coming from a top of the line Broadway play. You know, the play where the lead male singer is twenty years past his prime and needs to be shot?
• Another break in the duets to begin the American Idol Awards, the spoof award for really crappy singers. First up was the Female Singer Award, which was won by the most orange skank to ever sing in public. Second was the Outstanding Male Vocal, and he actually showed up to accept his award. Tall, lanky… oh, and completely filled with a special sort of manic insanity that can only be cured with a taser and an acid bath.
• The second segment of Wolfgang Puck and Kelly Pickler with the waitress with the plate of live lobsters being presented to Kelly up close and personal — Loved the reaction. I live for that kind of reaction. You can’t act that. A very spontaneous moment, endearing Kelly to anyone interested in sweet and innocent blonde girls of legal age.
• Boy’s Medley: Tobacco Road and Don’t Stop(Thinking About Tomorrow) — By far the men outstripped the women in the talent department this year. Perhaps not individually, but certainly as a group. There’s only one of the boys that doesn’t belong, and he was simply deer in the headlights bad. The rest of the song was great, particularly the beginning, and through the point where Taylor was playing the harmonica. It made me contemplate how this segment would have gone if Chris would have been the finalist instead of Taylor. Taylor would have still been playing the harmonica, but he wouldn’t have been playing it as the focal point of the song’s beginning. These guys looked like a modern day “Rat Pack” with Ace as the good looking guy (Think “Face” from the A-Team)
• Ford giveaway to Katharine and Taylor — How much did Ford luck out in the sponsoring department by sponsoring the Idols in the first year and locking that in? I’m sure it cost a pretty penny, but getting the idol wannabes to make cheesy in-show Ford commercials has gone from a stupid cheesy idea to an cheesy institution now.
• American Idol Awards again — Proudest Family Moment — an excuse to show how bewildered Elliot’s mother is with her son’s new found fame. Cute kitten type of moments. We get reminded how cute Katharine was when she was a kid, and how what Chris means to his wife and her kids. Elliot’s mother wins, and introduces Elliot’s song
• Elliot and Mary J. Blige — this wasn’t a duet, it was Elliot standing there and Mary J. singing a solo to an audience going “Why are you here?”
• Last year’s American Idol winner, whatever her name was. Oh yeah, Carrie Underwood. I think she’s won some country western singing awards since she first won American Idol last year, but I happen to think she’s overrated. Apparently people who know country music think otherwise, but what do they know?
• American Idol Award break: (Randy)Jackson Award — Rhonetta. Okay, this is stretching it. Rhonetta, a foul mouthed hootchie mama styled hooker straight from Jerry Springer looks like she doesn’t belong and she doesn’t. Rhonetta was an attention whore — emphasis on the latter part. I realize that these segments are to remind us how completely awful most of America is, even though there can only be one Rhonetta.
• Duet Toni Braxton and Taylor — Typical of American Idol, only about 3/4 of the mics work on a regular basis, and Ms. Braxton’s mic was the one that didn’t work. I did like the reaction of Taylor when Toni rubbed up against him. Speaks volumes for Taylor, whether it was a planned item or not.
• Girl’s Melody — Proof again that the boys were much better than the girls this year.
• American Idol Award Best Impersonation / Clay Aiken — Certainly the most memorable on stage moment, with the really bad Clay Aiken dork (yes, there are more nerdy quasi-gay appearing guys out there who could look like Clay,) but this shows off the fact that Clay has turned into a real professional… singer. The androgynous haircut (I’ve already seen a match up between Clay’s appearance here and a famous pose by J.D.Lang) certainly makes no bones that Clay is not your typical singer. Sure, Clay has picked up men online. He can still sing, though. This striking appearance and the obvious juxtaposition with the Clay Aiken dork (who somehow thought he could still keep singing! Nicely done, producers!) showed that Clay is now looking for the audience that used to go to Cher concerts. Clay’s not the dork he used to be anymore. Clay is a confident… uh, whatever they call them these days. I look for a permanent concert site in Las Vegas somewhere for Clay. More power to him.
• Burt Bacharach / Melody — I don’t care what anyone says, Burt can do no wrong as far as American Idol goes. Sure, the guy looks like a fossil, but too many of those songs are the cheesy ones I loved from when I was young and stupid. Sure, this part is your basic karaoke that everyone doesn’t want from American Idol wannabes, but what else are you going to do with the rest of the fallen Idols, put them in group sings for every song? No. this is their one moment to shine, and some do okay, and others… not so much. This melody ends with Dionne Warwick and I thought this segment was a mess musically. Visually it does end nicely with the two finalists joining Dionne and the rest but it was cringingly bad from a vocal stand point.
• American Idol Award : Best Male Bonding — A setup for the Brokeback Mountain / Brokenote Cowboy Trio. Another joke musical event, and they actually gave them an entire song onstage. This was a mistake and a half, but together they were memorable as being completely sincere, and I get that. For all those who actually THINK they can sing but need to just go away. Please. Please?
• American Idol Out Of Left Field Award: Prince — Okay, this wasn’t an award, but it might have been. This was unexpected and it showed the range of appeal of American Idol to have Prince show up. First off, I can’t believe that Prince has ever heard of American Idol. Prince was delivered to us by space aliens. Prince doesn’t associate with humanity except for his concert appearances. The only reason I think the Prince appearance was planned was because the songs were for the promotion of a new album. One day Prince will lose his audience, and the space aliens will have to take him back.
• Katharine / Taylor duet — These two look great. Taylor looked like the dad dancing with his daughter at her wedding, except the bride wasn’t wearing white.
• Taylor wins song — Weak song, but it was a sincere sentiment, and the content was important, “I’m living the American Dream!!” Overall, a good ending, even though there was zero surprise about who was going to win.

I realize that there are many reviewers who have already slammed this two hour finale show as being bloated or worse, not entertaining. They’re wrong. I realize there are people who only liked the early parts of American Idol, the part where the really crappy singers and the attention whores get their “Go Home, You Suck!” notices from the judges. And there are those that enjoy only the singers who can actually sing. The American Idol finale this year gave us both, the crappy and the great. You got in this finale everything the show had to offer during the season, except the judges who were only there as cardboard cutouts — this was, after all, the show that featured nothing but the winners.

You might slam the singers as not singing songs you personally enjoy. Fine, I get that. The contest is to find a singer who can sing, not to find a show of songs you personally like. That job takes place the minute the finale is over. Carrie Underwood, the winner from last year, is making money singing country songs. Unfortunately, it’s nearly impossible to distinguish oneself as a country singer unless you have a popular song associated with you. As talented as Ms. Underwood may be, she’ll never get another chance to really prove herself. The Country Awards she’s won are a great accomplishment, but that’s more proof of her freshman talent than her ability to stick around and vocally duke it out with next year’s country star.

It’s apparent that Taylor will do well with his first album. He’s got a great start, and this finale proved he’s got that star potential. He was certainly a much safer pick for Idol than my personal favorite, Chris. Katharine will always be pretty, and she’s certainly a decent singer. I actually see her as making a transition to film and Broadway.

The success of American Idol is indeed fun to watch. It’s a ratings juggernaut, crashing through anything else around it, but in the end, it’s still a talent show. It depends on talent, and that talent determines the quality of the final product. If the talent isn’t as good next season, I could easily see the American Idol finale being smashed by critics as bloated and crappy.

That’s the risk of live TV.